Relation Advices Tips

Dating is a complicated affair. It involves the initial contact, the getting to know you, the first meeting, the second and subsequent dates, the first kiss, the first moment of true intimacy, sharing hopes and dreams, introducing friends and family, daily contact, blah, blah, blah. It’s like a never-ending story, yet a story that many of us strive to become a character in.

This never-ending story is all part of a ritual that humans go through. The ritual personifies what it is to be human. Of course, the ritual exists so that the human race will multiply forever. A pretty important point, if you ask me.

One of the most important rituals that we humans do is called “dating.” Ahh, to be young again. To be able to pick and choose and go through dates like they were calendar pages to be tossed away with each passing day. Remember how much fun that was?

Dating is the cause and effect, the ultimate “in person”, where you have to show up on your best behavior, breath fresh, clothes clean, looking good. You worry before, during, and after. The dates stack up. They multiply. One after another, until one day, the date sticks. Sticking is what we are looking for. Sticking is when the date becomes a relationship. How does a first date morph into a relationship?

It takes time, although we would like to believe that it could happen sooner than later. The morph is that fluid motion that exists between you and your partner. The hit and miss. The touch and go. The dance. When the dance ends the music truly begins. Love is funny that way. When you least expect it, the first date leads to a relationship, the relationship to a commitment and the commitment to forever. Like I said, dating is a complicated affair, but an affair that pays off in the end.

JJR NY ©

Janet J. Reiss, LCSW, is licensed as a clinical social worker in New York. As a clinician Janet works with children, adolescents, and adults in helping them work through issues that complicate their day-to-day living. Communication, relationships, substance abuse problems and other addictions, psychiatric problems, and family issues are areas that are explored. When Janet is not working as a Clinical Manager or in her private practice she is working on her website http://www.lookingforlove.com which is an online dating directory and marketplace for adult singles.

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Do you have a wonderful single life, dating interesting, exciting people? If not, why not? If you are looking for a relationship, but you are not going out on dates frequently, what are your excuses?

Almost everyone I talk to who would like to meet someone has fortified themselves with an excuse. Unfortunately, excuses don’t seem to give us any comfort and we stay stuck in the place where we say we don’t want to be, which is…alone.

The other day, I listened to a young man describe why he can’t find a nice young woman to love and settle down with. As he talked, I heard him give the same reasons women give for not being able to find the man they want. Here are some excuses, told to me recently by men AND women, for why they don’t have love in their lives. The following considerations might help you look at the excuse in a new way:

1. Excuse: There aren’t any good men/women out there.

All the good ones are taken.

Fact: According to the 2003 U.S. census, there are over 221 million adults in our country. Over 100 million of them (roughly 46% of the population) are single.

Consideration: Perhaps there might be one good one in the bunch?

2. Excuse: All the good men/women are married.

There’s no one available for me.

Fact: Many people may be married, but since over 50% of first marriages, 60% of second ones, and 70% of third ones end in divorce, someone will soon be available.

Consideration: Perhaps someone new becomes available every day who you might be interested in?

3. Excuse: Men tend to compartmentalize their feelings.

If I share myself physically, I am emotionally hooked. However, men can just walk away. It doesn’t bother them as much.

Fact: Men may be more reluctant to commit, but when they do, they commit deeply. Statistically, it is women who do more of the breaking up, letting go, and moving on. It takes men longer to get over it. Research studies state that men suffer more from the breakup.

Consideration: Everyone needs to enter a relationship with caution and treat themselves and each other with kindness. Feelings exist in both genders. Understanding boundaries will help you feel safer.

4. Excuse: I am too old to meet someone.

There are no single people in my age group.

Fact: Here is a break down of singles by age group. Whatever your age, there are single people in your group who would like to meet someone. Just because you haven’t met THE ONE doesn’t mean they aren’t out there and available.

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